Jon Stewart can have my babies.

It is 11:15 on a pleasant Monday night. I have just finished the 13th episode of Season 1 of the West Wing (sometimes I delay watching tv seasons by a good 10 years just to be sure they’re going to catch on) so I am obviously pumped for some generous mocking of American politics by my aforementioned baby daddy – especially because Martin Sheen and Rob Lowe make me feel totally in the loop now.

Now my reasons for wanting to procreate with Jonny-boy change with my mood and his level of brilliance, but something I can certainly get behind mocking is Twitter. Why? Because it is stupid. Sure, I am still not 100% sure I know what it is, but I feel qualified to rant about it because I know enough about it to know that it is silly. (see my unlicensed use of T-Rex’s rant below) Generally I like to get up on new internet fads like … well…I guess like a congressman on Twitter during an apparently important speech, but I refuse to jump on this bandwagon just to say I did – because it is a stupid, stupid bandwagon.

Now just to prove I am an excellent journalist, I am going to go and look at the Twitter page right now (and insert a link to avoid plagiarism) and quote their bullshit to you: “Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?” . But wait – get’s better: “Why? Because even basic updates are meaningful to family members, friends, or colleagues—especially when they’re timely.

• Eating soup? Research shows that moms want to know.
• Running late to a meeting? Your co–workers might find that useful.
• Partying? Your friends may want to join you.”

So really, all Twitter did was knock off one piece of the FB experience and highlight it as a completely useless thing to envelop your day and piss me off!

And finally, my favourite part “Twitter puts you in control and becomes a modern antidote to information overload.” What part of follow everyone you know while they eat their soup, brush their teeth or hit on your mom isn’t an information overload?!

Assholes.