Staple Conspiracy

Why is that those bastards of Swingline have decided that I must start and finish my staple collection at the tender age of 21? They put 5000 staples in a box. I purchase that box. And now, I have 5000 staples.

Let’s just do some math here. Assuming that I fuck up say… I dunno, we’ll be liberal and say 1/8 of staples. You know, the stapler jams, the paper is too thick… etc etc. So 5000 / (1/8) is 625. Therefore, even with all the crazy staple wasting I will be doing, I still have 4375 staples to use. I expect this will be the only box of staples I use for the rest of my life (unless of course I enter one of those staple art contests I have always wanted to enter). I am not sure I have 4375 documents in my life. Or at least I hope that I won’t. It is all part of the staple -paper conspiracy to make me use more paper and therefore enhance Canada’s softwood lumber industry. Staples have 5000 to a box. One feels obliged to use staples. One must use paper with staples. More Staples means more paper. More paper means more trees. More trees means happy west coasters get to strip the land and then whine that the east coast ignores them. Ha. I’ve figured you out.

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