An Open Letter to the Girls of Bieber

Justin-Bieber-Heart-Shirt-525x525Dear Justin Bieber Fans,

OMG I get you. I get it.

I don’t mean I get it like I want to pull a Tina Fey and put him in a baby carriage, but I get why you do things like clog the Twitter stream and create FailWhales for the rest of us so you can profess your love to your one and only.

I’m sorry it took so long, I’m a little slow sometimes.

You see, I don’t really follow many celebrities on Twitter (unless you count @taylorswift13 – but who doesn’t love her) because… well… celebrities are often pretty of dumb.  But when someone RTed a message from @LeoDiCaprio today the lights went on in my head.

If Twitter had existed when I was 13 @LeoDiCaprio wouldn’t have known what hit him.  I mean a (seemingly) direct portal to the boy/man who is basically your god? Pretty much the greatest use of technology ever, right?

Young Leonardo DiCaprio
Don't smoke kids. Cigarettes are only cool if you're famous.

You see, I too was a celeb-obsessed, seemingly in love, and frankly kind of creepy girl when I was young.  I ripped out hundreds of pics from Teen Beat (google it, girls) magazine and plastered them over my walls, and eventually ceilings when I ran out of room.  I bought biography books and memorized trivia so I could prove to my friends I loved him the most. I watched movies like The Basketball Diaries that scared the shit out of me at my tender age, and saw Titanic in theatres 7 times. (Sure, my Leo-lovin peeps didn’t cause a stampede, but times have changed.)

Kuffs Movie PosterBefore my Leo days, there were others I loved. I once sent a letter (like on paper) to Christian Slater (again, google it) to tell him how much I loved him, finessed with some comments about how great an actor he was.  I got an autographed picture back from his Fan Club which I promptly framed and then gazed at longingly.

If Twitter had existed when I was 13, my pre-pubescent mind would have been blown.

So on behalf of all you girls with Twitter handles like @MirandaaBieber, @bieberinmypants, @WeadoreJustinB and @WeLoveYewJustin I hearby defend you from the mockery of the old-fogey world. Own it, you creepy little freaks. Own it.

Just remember, a yew is a tree not the pronoun of the second person singular or plural.  Despite what your magazines tell you, boys (especially boys like Bieber) like smart girls who can spell.



PS. You’re welcome for using his name 5 times in this post so he can continue to out-trend anything else on social media forever.


One thought on “An Open Letter to the Girls of Bieber

  1. “Own it, you creepy little freaks” – hahaha! Super awesome read – last thing I will ever read with glasses!

    Ps Can’t believe you got an autographed photo from CS. Cool.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s