I have a lot of time to think these days, but very little to sit down and write. A newborn is all-consuming, always needing something from me. It delights me, but leaves me mentally drained.
I’ve been trying for months to write something on my battle with breastfeeding, jotting notes down in my phone as I stand off to the edge of the sidewalk, hoping the lack of motion won’t wake the baby.
Tonight, I decided, would be the night I’d finally sit down and turn my gibberish notes into something great. This would be the topic that I’d finally turn into a Facts & Arguments, a goal I’ve been secretly chasing for years, despite barely having written a thing in the last two.
First I had to read a few old essays to re-familiarize myself with the format. Then the guidelines. Then I had to read the F&A my friend Leslie wrote several years ago because I remember it being quite good. It is good, and it makes me self-conscious about what I’ve written so far.
I start to feel the doubt bubbling up inside. I look back and my notes and wonder “do I really know what I’m writing about?”
I sit for a while trying to figure out what my point is. To help, I look at Facebook. Someone has liked a particularly cute photo of my baby and it makes me feel proud – I have no control over how cute she is, but I take credit anyway.
Perhaps what I’m writing needs more research. Instead of writing it’d be best if I googled some history instead.
It’s past my bedtime now. Maybe I’ll write tomorrow.